Below, My Antonio’s latest cast-off talks about the vague terms of her elimination, that fire-walking challenge and her disenchantment with the man whose love she was competing for.
How was your time on the show?
Um…it was the first time I’ve ever done any type of reality TV. It’s not really my angle as far as my career goes. But it was a good experience. I mean, I got to live in Hawaii for a month.
Did you have a clear sense of why Antonio was letting you go? He kind of spoke about it vaguely: “I let Tania go because she went as far as she could.”
A lot of what I said to him that day was cut out. Basically, I was just done. I was ready to go. I didn’t feel like I was connecting with him. I couldn’t fake the funk, and I just didn’t want to be there anymore. And really, what could he say? He didn’t have anything negative against me, and he didn’t realize that I felt this way. So when I approached him that day at the lagoon, I told him, “Listen, I’m taking a step back here, just so you know where I’m coming from.” And when he let me go, he completely used my own words to let me go. It made no sense. That’s why my exit was really really short. Because everything I was saying was like, “OK, it’s time to go, I’m ready to go. We weren’t feeling each other, and that’s it.”
Do you have any resentment over the way it went down?
I guess I kept telling myself, “Welcome to the magical world of editing!” I knew that what I truly felt wasn’t going to be exhibited that way. But, overall, I think they kept me in a pretty good light. I think that they kept me in that classy, laid-back, sexy, sophisticated light, which was what I was going for. I love reality TV. I think it’s great. It put me on the board. But I want to be able to pursue my modeling and acting career. And I don’t want anybody out there to feel like they can’t endorse me because of the way I was portrayed on TV or any of that stuff. So I’m really glad that they put me in that way. I’ve no resentment or regrets at all.
When did you start feeling that you weren’t feeling Antonio?
If I can keep it really real with you: Day One. He’s a handsome man, he has those dimples and I’m a sucker for those. Probably eighty percent of the guys I’ve dated have dimples. However, I really wasn’t feeling him to begin with. For me it became like a competition. I’m a competitive person, and I think that’s what kept me there as long as I stayed. But I really wasn’t into him, and I know that’s messed up, but that’s what TV is all about. And almost 95 percent of the girls on the show were there for their own personal gain. So I have to admit that I wasn’t feeling him anyway. He’s not my kind of guy.
Did you go into the show thinking, “OK, I’m going to compete for this guy that I don’t even really dig that much”?
I didn’t really know anything about him, just like, “OK, wow, I saw you in a Janet Jackson video, you’re hot.” I didn’t even know how we would connect speaking. I was open to it, but I didn’t really think that I was going to fall in love with this guy. I really went into it feeling: OK, this is just what I’m doing for the experience. And if something comes out of it, great. And if we have a connection, great. But after speaking to him for the first time: no. I mean there was nothing there. I feel like he’s just really bland. I’m really outspoken, and he just seemed like a really bland individual to me. I don’t mean to bash him, he’s just not my type of guy.
When you said that you felt like you weren’t in the same category as, say, Brooke or Tully, were you feeling bad about that because it was like you were losing the competition?
I think that egos are going to be involved, regardless. Nobody wants to feel like they’re not being pursued. I felt like Brooke was really confident that she was going to be around for a while, that’s why she was so chill. She was so relaxed, laid back and didn’t need the drama because I don’t think she felt threatened, I don’t think she felt like she needed to compete. With Tully…I mean, there’s history. If it were my ex-boyfriend amongst twenty other guys, you can best believe that I would favor my ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t even be mad at her, even though she was a pain in the ass a lot of the time. I would treat him the same way that she did, I understand where he’s coming from with her. So I just felt like I couldn’t hang in there anymore. His mother drove me crazy and reminded me of my ex-boyfriend’s mom. And I just thought, “What am I going to do here? This isn’t working”.
Antonio called you needy after you asked him why he hadn’t yet kissed you.
And that’s such bulls***! I said “Antonio, I’m just wondering, why do I have to ask for kisses? Why do I have to steal them, why do I have to come across as being the one who is needy?” And he said, “You intimidate me.” I intimidate you, but now suddenly I’m needy? If he thinks that’s needy, that makes no sense. I mean Tully’s sucking on his finger half the time and jumping on him. She’s literally attacking him. I did that one time. But I’m suddenly needy? No! Aggressive? Maybe a little bit, because he’s just not my kind of guy. I do like aggressive men. I like football players who are like rough, tough, manly men. And, to me, he just isn’t one of those guys. So, I’ll take the aggressiveness, that’s fine. Needy? Far from it.
What did you think of the fire walk challenge? That seemed extreme, even for this show.
I was freaking out. They were telling us very honestly, when cameras weren’t even rolling, “People do get burned. It happens. If your mind isn’t there you can stop in the middle and that can cause problems. You’ve got to keep going.” They were very serious about it. Then we had to sign paperwork, and I was like, “Are you kidding me? I didn’t sign up for this!” I’m a model; I don’t want my body getting messed up. But I really did it for me. In my heart I’m a very competitive person, I’m not going to sit here and let anyone tell me that I can’t do something. Even if it’s hot coals staring at me.
Was it really hot? What did it feel like on your feet?
It really was hot! I know the coals on the right and left side were burning to thousands of more degrees. But the coals that we walked over were hot as hell. But I think if you just kept moving…I don’t know, my mind was in such a different place, and my adrenaline was pumping so hard inside of me that I really didn’t even notice. It was over as fast as it started. I mean, I could feel my feet still burning afterward. There was a little bit of blistering at the bottom of my feet, too, but at the time I didn’t notice it.
There are not many Indian women on reality TV. Did you feel any responsibility to rep for the Indian women?
I totally did. The fact that there were two [Indian] girls on one reality show was mindboggling. Like, that’s never happened. I mean, one of us would be crazy enough. But two? It really shows that people are willing to really express what America is now. We are this huge melting pot, you know? It’s no longer just black and white. And yeah, I did feel a lot of pressure. I feel like if you know anything about Indian culture in our society, they are very, very strict individuals. I mean, education is so important, that when you do something that diverges from that, you’re looked down upon. The whole process of doing reality TV amounts to throwing yourself out to the jungle, to the sharks out there. We literally volunteered: Here we are! Rip us apart! Anyone who can sit there and criticize us should imagine what it would be like to be out there, and what people would have to say about them. It’s really hard, and I think that Indian culture has probably been the hardest on us. That’s our people, but I think I’ve received the most criticism from the Indian culture.
Does that affect you at all?
Well yeah, it does, because my dad’s really old-fashioned and as it is, it’s hard for him to see me doing what I’m doing. I was planning on going to medical school before my modeling really picked up and took off and I started traveling all over the world. It’s something he still lectures me about everyday.
What kind of modeling have you been working on?
I do a lot of runway, just because I’m so tall. And here in Los Angeles you have new designers popping up every day. So I do a lot of runway modeling. Right now I’m getting more into the men’s magazines. I’m going to be shooting with Open Your Eyes magazine. I won a modeling contract with them. I’m going to be shooting with Show magazine. I have a big audition with Victoria’s Secret in two weeks, which is like my dream job, aside from being an ESPN News anchor. I’m trying to get into the acting too. I’m working on some other possible reality projects that are a little bit different than this VH1 show, something that’s more inspiring to people. I do non-profit work on the side, too.
Antonio said that he could see you two as friends. Do you agree? Are you friends with him?
I definitely felt that kind of vibe throughout. He just reminded me of a guy friend that I could just pick up the phone and call and be like “Hey, want to go watch the game?” Or, “Do you want to take the dogs hiking?” We had commonalities, but they were definitely just in a friendship level, you know? It wasn’t anything more. I didn’t feel any sparks or chemistry with him, but I definitely felt like we could be friends. However, we haven’t been in contact
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