Friday, December 18, 2009
New VH1 Dainger Interview
Taken from vh1.com Danger discusses her illness , she also reveals she is NOT pregnant.
Rich: I think everyone knows that you’ve been having a rough time lately.
Danger: It’s been very rough. People don’t know how serious of an illness postpartum depression is. I’ve had a very rough life. People don’t understand that when you come from a tough past, and you have a child and you have postpartum depression, a lot hits you at once. You always want a better life for your child than what you had.
Rich: When did you notice that you were starting to suffer from postpartum depression?
Danger: I went back home. My brother got into a near-fatal car accident. He went through a windshield. I went back to the Bay Area to visit him, and the postpartum depression set in when I reconnected with my family, and they met my daughter for the first time. A lot of past memories and experiences came back to me and I became scared for my daughter. I felt like we were unsafe.
Rich: The reports suggest that you then snapped, shaved your head and were admitted to a mental institution. Is that how it happened?
Danger: People think there was a big thing where I was violent and angry, but that didn’t happen. I was very depressed. I was crying and very sad. I have no support. I have no family support. I have no financial support. I’ve never felt loved.
Rich: What about your baby’s dad?
Danger: I love him, but I have to get better. I can’t be with him, if I’m not OK.
Rich: But is he supporting his daughter?
Danger: Of course. He’s a very good father, and he’s a very supportive man. He wants me to get better.
Rich: Would you say that you had a breakdown?
Danger: I don’t like the word “breakdown,” because it suggests weakness. I’m not a weak person, I’m very strong. I just went through something, and now I’m healing. I didn’t know how much pain I was in, because I keep a lot of things inside. I’m not keeping things inside anymore. I cut my hair so I could start a new life. I’m reborn as a different person, and I’m focusing on being the best mom I can be. When you get famous, people try to tear you apart, and I’m very famous right now. I’m just focusing on being around positive people and being a good mother. All the publicity and the Internet and all that will kill you if you let it. My fans, and everybody, shouldn’t believe the things on the Internet that they say about me, unless I’m saying it. There’s that much jealousy. People want me to fail, and I’m not going to fail. I’ve never failed. I’m a person who wins. Everything I want to do, I do. I achieve things. Just because I had a moment where I was dealing with some problems through postpartum depression, it does not mean that I won’t continue to succeed in my life, no matter what I do.
Rich: Maybe around Thanksgiving, your Twitter seemed erratic. Was this when the depression was setting in?
Danger: Yes. That was when depression was hitting me the worst. I was in the hospital very shortly after that. Then, whoever has control of my Twitter was writing really negative comments when I wasn’t able to be online. A lot of that wasn’t me.
Rich: Was there any reason you didn’t go back and delete that stuff?
Danger: I’m the type of person that will let people believe what they want to believe. If they want to believe negativity about my life, they can. If that’s what rules them and makes them happy, I don’t care. That doesn’t have any effect on my happiness. I know I’m a great mother, I know my daughter’s father is a great man. I know once I get better, I can go with my daughter’s father and we can be a family and be happy. And at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
Rich: Shortly after those tweets, you say you checked into the hospital. Did you spend a week there?
Rich: How was that?
Danger: It started off extremely bad. I don’t like to be imprisoned. I was born free, I’m going to die free. Being in that kind of setting was very difficult for me, but it helped me to control my anger. I was working out, they shaved my head all the way off for me. I knew the only way I was going to get out was if I controlled my anger. I escaped twice and was on the run. They had to find me. When I finally came back, I just knew that if I ever wanted to see my daughter again, I had to control my anger. For her, I decided to change. I got better, and I got released.
Rich: What work did you do to become better?
Danger: I just have to talk to God. I wrote letters to my daughter, and I couldn’t talk to any of my family. My child’s father called with his father, and told me that he loved me and wanted to get better. That helped me a lot. Positive people in my life that aren’t related to me were showing me that I was loved. I was connected to the other people in the mental institution and they got better because I was getting better. I was able to help them get better and to see what was going on in their lives for the reason they were there. It was a good facility. A very, very good facility.
Rich: Obviously, a week’s time is a brief period. You say you got better, but that’s an ongoing process, right?
Danger: It is. So many people have oppressed me and hurt me that I felt like this could happen at any time. I can’t be that person anymore. I have a daughter. I want to be a mom. I want to have more children and be married and happy. As soon as I’m able to be all the way better, negative thoughts won’t cross my mind.
Rich: Are you pregnant now?
Danger: No, that’s a lie. I want to have all my children by the same man. I’m not going to have sex with everybody in the industry and sit on a lily pad, eating bonbons and collecting checks from different men. That’s not all I’m good for. I have a brain. I use it.
Rich: Your Twitter still says that you’re pregnant, though.
Danger: I have no control over that Twitter. Someone hacked into everything of mine: my Facebook, my email, my computer, my MySpace. Everything’s been hacked. I have a huge virus on my computer. I can’t even look into my documents. Somebody just got into my life, and decided they wanted to take control of it.
Rich: Do you know who it is?
Danger:What they don’t realize is yes I do. I know exactly who it is.
Rich: Are you taking steps to reclaim your identity?
Danger: That’s what this interview is.
Rich: Not everyone’s going to see this interview. Your latest tweet is, “I like nuts in my mouth.”
Danger: Nobody can take something away from me that’s mine. Danger is a completely different person than Monica. Monica needed Danger to come and protect her, because she was getting violated and abused. That’s why she was created: so I could be alive. I would have died a long time ago otherwise. But now I have to clean up my image because I have a daughter to raise! She’s gonna grow up, and she knows her mom is not Danger. Her father is not going to marry Danger. That’s a fictitious character I created for America to love me, to identify with me. I’m an actor.
Rich: Do you feel like you reached your goal? Do you feel like America loves you?
Danger: Yeah, I do. I feel like all around the country, people can not feel alone, and know that women go through hell. I feel like people indentify with who I am and what I represent, because they’re going through so much hell and pain and sadness and sickness, they know that somebody’s alive that’s so strong that she’s gone through all that and is still happy and is still having children and will be married and will be in love and live a peaceful life. And that gives them hope that they can also live a peaceful life, no matter what their circumstance is.
Rich: I hear your daughter in the background. You have custody of her?
Rich: Was there any question that you might not retain that custody when you got out of the hospital?
Danger: There have been a lot of questions about whether or not I am a fit mother, especially with the Internet going on as it is. If I wasn’t, I would still be locked up in the institution on drugs. I’m not on drugs. I was going through postpartum depression, and I’m continuing to heal with counseling and therapy. I’m fine. I can raise my child. When you get out of an institution, if you don’t stay focused on getting better, you’ll go back, or you’ll die.
Rich: Has the postpartum depression gotten better?
Danger: It’s gotten a whole lot better since I know how to deal with it. Some women with postpartum depression take it out on their child, but I never was mad at my child. I’m just so mad at my circumstance.
Rich: Do you see your life getting better?
Danger:This is the fun part. This is the part I’ve been waiting my whole life for: to be a mother and happy.
Rich: It just seems like your stay in a mental institution might be a low point.
Danger: It was a good low point. It showed me who really loved me in my life. It made me realize that family is who loves you, not who’s related to you.
Rich: Are you happy?
Danger: Yes, but I’m gonna be a lot happier soon. When I’m married, I’ll be happy all the way.
Rich: Well, you’re always fascinating, Monica.
Rich: I know I’m not the only one who thinks that.
Danger: I think now that people can understand that Danger is a character that I created and that I’m a really, really f***ing good actor, I think they’ll get it. I think that’s great that they’ll be able to understand me and I can be myself again.
Rich: Are you going to stop calling yourself Danger?
Danger: No. I’ll always be Danger. She’s part of me. She’s my creation. Since I was 19, I’ve been that person. But I have control. I can control who I am. I’ve playing Danger for a long time. And I’m tired of playing Danger.